it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
