just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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