Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
