Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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