carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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