Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
