nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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