can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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