just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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