come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
