Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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