Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
