she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
