we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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