If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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