I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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