yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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