Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
