You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
