so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
