Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
