Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
