remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
