I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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