its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
