This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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