Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
