How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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