She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
