i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
