Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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