Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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