this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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