i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have already put on my inside pants.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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