the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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