I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
