The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
