you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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