I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize