Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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