I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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