my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize