I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
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I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess