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Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She told me I should be a condom model.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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