She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
