I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
