My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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