2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
