Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
