im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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