Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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