Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
