dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
