He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just pee around me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!