it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.