Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.