you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
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Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
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Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there