Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
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Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people